why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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