he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
he just fucked me for my cheese..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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