I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
