cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
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Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
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That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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