Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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