Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
