my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
