I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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