In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
soo... how was my night?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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