gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This couple is walking their pig around campus
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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