Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My balls are so social today.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
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