Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
