I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just had sex bonerless
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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