Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
