I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
