I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
