but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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