I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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