I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
