i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
