the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Where are you guys?
Drunk
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
