I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
