When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's never too late to be topless.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
