I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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