sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
