I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
