girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
