1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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