My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
