I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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