so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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