You made me cry and you don't even care
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
