Duck Duck Cougar?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
