He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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