dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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