I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
