That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
