Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
