I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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