You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
