im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
