We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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