i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
