Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
