If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
