I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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