the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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