Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
