I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
