tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
