I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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