i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize