i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
