How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
