dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
