You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
