I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
