Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
did i just pee glitter
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
