Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
