the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
