Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
