Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
