Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
