Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she peed on how many people?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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