Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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