so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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