I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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