wat bout pragnant strippers??
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
