i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
