I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize
