420 ftw
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize