I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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