The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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