Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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