My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
