brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
