the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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