Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
