Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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