I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
