When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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