i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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