summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
